I know what you mean. When I was a kid we got a dog we had spayed. I remember when she got back from the vet she was weirdly kind of frozen, reacted to everything in slow motion. That's how I've been since I moved back to LA two years ago. My first trip to Serbia I couldn't wait to get back, too many things to attend to, my life was here, not there, but within 24 hours I wish I'd never returned. The second time I went back, for only three weeks, I literally got teary-eyed as I was walking over a bridge in Belgrade the next day. I find America a very numbing, paranoid place. I only feel completely alive when I'm out of it. It's terrible to have to say as much but that's how it is.